The Sweater!

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In a world were everything is perfect you would be here, laughing with me holding me and having the time of our lives, unfortunately, this is not the case. Instead I’m here wearing your sweater and you are up there. High above the clouds, looking down on me probably laughing at me or maybe you are finding comfort knowing that I now have your sweater after 28 years.

I went to see your mom on Friday, but first I stopped off at the cemetery to spend some time there. I’m normally a mess and can’t drive for some time, but this year was different and at the time I wasnt too sure why. I found peace for the first time. I did not shed a tear. I found my self smiling at the memories. Standing there not knowing what was to come later that day. Looking back now I know why I had a feeling of peace and comfort.

I had not seen your mom for a very long time, as I felt it may be hard for her and hard for myself. But that day was the right day to go. Pulling up to the driveway and knocking on the door, im not sure but i think i was holding my breath for a moment until she answered. When she opened the door all she said was I would never forget who you are, please come in Tonia. Her hug was comfort, her smile of pure happiness that I was there. We talked for some about how my life turned out and what they had been up to. The conversation was when we turned to talking about memories of you and storied that she was finally able to talk about. Stories that I had no idea about leading up to your passing. Stories only a son would tell his mom, about a girl he loved. Knowing that what you and I talked about only two days before you left this physical world. She brought me such comfort, now knowing that you did love me and that you had shared that with your mom. (I will not be sharing publicly everything that she told me that, he had told his mom, just know that, it brought me such comfort)

As our visit went on she called your sister so we could speak, it was great to know that she was very happy that I stopped in to see your mom.

Your mom then went to get something. When she came back she had a sweater. The one you wore that last night we seen each other. She handed it to me and told me to keep it. I’m pretty sure my heart skipped a beat, and I’m sure I stopped breathing for a moment.

I hugged the sweater, and just breathed in the sent. It is with great profound gratitude and love that I really don’t think that she realizes how much this means to me. This I do belive is why I never shed a tear earlier that day, because you let me know that something better was coming to me later….your sweater.

Some may say its only a sweater. Yes that right it is only a sweater but, when you have lived 28 years with this undying ache in your heart that when I last seen you, I knew it was going to be the last time, for at that time I really had no idea. Holding on all these years to trying to remember your voice, your smell, the words we spoke, that night, to the feelings that we had, to even remembering what you wore, what I was wearing just to never forgot. I never forgot what you said, what you wore what you and I talked about. I will always remember. I can hear your voice, I can smell your scent and now, I can feel your sweater and hold it or wear it, when ever I want to.

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Grief is a funny thing, it comes in waves, we all deal with it in a different way. I chose to remember the memories that are happy and not of the actual day you passed.

LOVE YOU THEN, LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

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The Lyrics to Miley Cyrus  Song Miss You

You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
And you’d hold me close in your arms
I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holdin’ me
I miss you, I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it’s different now
You’re still here somehow
My heart won’t let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you
You used to call me your dreamer
And now I’m livin’ out my dream
Oh, how I wish you could see
Everything that’s happenin’ for me
I’m thinkin’ back on the past
It’s true that time is flyin’ by too fast
I miss you, I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it’s different now
You’re still here somehow
My heart won’t let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you
I know you’re in a better place yeah
But I wish that I could see your face, oh
I know you’re where you need to be
Even though it’s not here with me
I miss you, I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it’s different now
You’re still here somehow
My heart won’t let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you, I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it’s different now
You’re still here somehow
My heart won’t let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you (I miss you)
Happy Sunday Everyone 
Tonia

5 thoughts on “The Sweater!

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